The yearly springtime ritual of la habra high school spam-ku week
SPAM-ku Week is practiced in the Choir Room (usually) of La Habra High School every Spring. Some students are overjoyed, some are angered, and some are simply confounded. As we read from the good book, SPAM-ku: Tranquil Reflections on Luncheon Loaf (Harper Perennial, New York, 1998) compiled and edited by John Nagamichi Cho, one student plays the bongos to punctuate the drama of the text. Then, the class responds with the only proper response to a moving piece of SPAM-ku - they snap. At the end of a week of sharing, and following the SPAM-ku Week mantra that there are three kinds of people in the world, SPAM lovers, SPAM haters, and SPAM never-tasters, we gather for the annual SPAM-ku Week Tasting Party. Students who have demonstrated true SPAMcerity during the week are invited to the party where we write and recite SPAM-ku (all contained here in the archive), fry up some SPAM, and eat it together. Then, all of the newly written SPAM-ku are typed up and included in the archive. It must be noted that some students dislike SPAM but LOVE SPAM-ku, and others dislike SPAM-ku Week, but LOVE SPAM. Each is NOT mutually exclusive, and that is fine.
The legendS, Folklore, and origins of spam-ku week
It all started many moons ago. I was walking through a deep, dark forest, when I saw a bright light that beckoned me to follow it. I did follow it all though the night and it led me to a clearing in the long grass, where I found a bright shining book: SPAM-ku: Tranquil Reflections on Luncheon Loaf. I picked it up, hands trembling, and opened it. I sat in the grass that night, read the entire book from cover to cover, and then fell asleep. In the morning, I knew that it was my mission to spread SPAM-ku to the entire world. And what better way to do that than to begin reading it to my high school music students, who would then take their own new-found love of SPAM-ku and teach others about it? Thus began the springtime ritual of reading SPAM-ku in my classroom, and seeing which students became smitten with writing and sharing SPAM-ku. The inevitable annual SPAM-ku Tasting Party was added to the week's festivities which have now continued for fifteen glorious years (as of 2021).
Students with a genuine love of SPAM-ku (not necessarily of SPAM itself) are said to have SPAM sincerity, or SPAMcerity. People who show a genuine dislike of all things SPAM-ku are said to have MAPS (SPAM spelled backwards). Extreme cases of MAPS can lead to people to become a SPRINCH (SPAM grinch). Students can actually be banned from SPAM-ku Week, for one to several years. They are asked to leave the room while SPAM-ku is being recited and shared. There is usually not much objection.
Such banned students were Billy Funke (banned two years), Jenna Del Puerto (banned one year, but still wrote two SPAM-ku that are in the archives, 2014), and Juan Hernandez (banned for six years). Blake Navarette was the first sprinch, who actually tried to hide out in a practice room in the choir classroom. It was found that he intended to sabotage the SPAM-ku tasting party. He was going to steal all of the SPAM! But he was discovered, dragged out by all four limbs, and thrown out into the wild, as we all pointed and shouted, "sprinch, sprinch, sprinch!"
Another such sprinch was Larry Stifel, who took the book during class time and hid it from Mr. Montoya. When Montoya entered the room from his office, the book was gone, but Getzemany Bayardo Sandoval pointed out that it had been placed on a high shelf. Larry was banned and was labelled a sprinch for his shameful actions. Getzemany became the first SPERO (SPAM hero).
In a beautiful turn of events, in the year 2015, we had our first SPAM-ku conversion. Juan Hernandez who had bitterly denounced SPAM-ku for almost four years, stood up publicly and requested to come out of the practice room for the SPAM-ku sharing. His true SPAMcerity was evident in his joyfulness and in his penning of a beautiful SPAM-ku that is now included in the archives (No. 552), making Juan the first ever SPRODIGAL SON.
Once in a while, even SPAM-ku lovers make mistakes. One such unfortunate soul surfaced in 2017. Nathan Polanco, after writing and reciting some lovely SPAM-ku, and after earning an invitation to the tasting party, decided to perpetrate a copycat crime. He stole the sacred SPAM-ku book and then hid it in his choir folder. When the book was found missing, students began to blame each other as mob-mentality took over the passionate SPAM-ku lovers. Nathan's deeds were exposed by a tip from five anonymous students (Allen, Bathe, Esabel, Jish, and Radiche). The tip led us to the find the book. No one knows exactly why he did such a thing, but it would not go unpunished. Nathan's invitation was revoked, he was banned for ten years, and his name was shamed forever.
All during the misguided SPAM-ku Book Theft Attempt of 2017, small wadded up pieces of paper were repeatedly found on the piano of the choir room. They contained SPAM-ku about the downfall of SPAM-ku and were signed by "the Mad Sprinch." It was assumed that Polanco was that person, but after he was forcibly ejected from SPAM-ku Week, the wadded papers kept appearing. Was there a second sprinch at hand?
YES. Cory Chavorro (name changed to discourage such future actions) was in fact the "Mad Sprinch" all week long. It was revealed in a stunning moment at the end of the 2017 SPAM-ku Tasting Party as he read four SPAM-ku that chronicled his deception and betrayal of all SPAM things sacred. He was forcibly removed to the jeers of the crowd shouting "sprinch, sprinch, sprinch" and he was banned from SPAM-ku Week for the next ten years.
He later repented of his actions claiming to love SPAM-ku and just wanting to make an amazing SPAM-ku Week story, which he did brilliantly. He voluntarily knelt in front of the class, heartily apologized and then kissed the SPAMalele (see Music from SPAM-ku Week) on the bridge ... twice. His sentence was downgraded to a five year ban. His SPAM-ku is in the archive, No.
As if those events weren't enough to define the 2017 SPAM-ku Week, something even greater took place! One quiet night at home, I opened a package that was mailed to me. It contained a new copy of SPAM-ku: Tranquil Reflections on Luncheon Loaf. It was autographed by the author, John Nagamichi Cho, the Spam Haiku Archive Master (S.H.A.M.)! He named me the new SHAM, and he himself the Spam Haiku Archive Master, Emeritus (S.H.A.M.E.). The esteemed Mr. Nagamichi Cho wrote "Four-Part SPAMony for the La Habra High School Choir" which contained one haiku for each section of the choir, Soprano, Alto, Tenor and Bass. (SPAM-ku archive Nos. 840-843). He also revealed that SPAMantha Stapish-Higa, former LHHS Choir President, had contacted him and asked him to send me a token of appreciation for all of my efforts in the realm of SPAM-ku. I was deeply touched and honored, enough so to declare that SPAMantha would be named the first SPRINCESS.
As a footnote to the 2017 festivities, first-named SPero, Getzemany, was accused of stealing a can of SPAM at the SPAM-ku Tasting Party. He claimed he was just playing a prank and that he had returned it before he was even blamed. His story seemed to check out, according to the testimony of witnesses, but before we could go to trial, he pled guilty. I believe that he did so in order to avoid the public humiliation that the trial would bring. Getz became the first SPero to be banned from SPAM-ku Week, but since his actions as SPero and his actions as sprinch negated each other, he was relegated to being just good ole Getzemany Sandoval Bayardo again. Tread not on shaky ground, o ye SPeros past and present, for dead SPAM tells many tales! (see SPAM-ku Archive No. 921)
[As a footnote to the footnote, in 2020, it was revealed that Maxine Koontz was the actual SPero in the Nathan Polanco case, and she bit her tongue about it for three years. As another former LHHS Choir President, she was certainly credible. She confessed that Getz was never actually the SPero, but that it was SHE that exposed the SPAM book theft! Amazing how many stories of SPAM-ku folklore may be lost to history. We are grateful that this one came to light.]
2018 continued the SPAM-ku springtime tradition with many interesting happenings. For one thing, sprinches seemed to abound this year. One might even be tempted to call this the "Year of the Sprinch." But since that might encourage young would-be sprinches, we won't call it that. Probably the most terrifying of all SPAM-ku week happenstances was when I was sent a disturbing video by email. It showed the good book, SPAM-ku: Tranquil Reflections on Luncheon Loaf in someone's kitchen and it appeared to be set on fire! We were sure that it wasn't my own copies of the book since I had them safely in hand, but someone went to great lengths to try to scare the humble, SPAM-ku loving public. Not only that, the perpetrators were never even brave enough to identify themselves! Not so cool, my wayward sprinches, for thine contact icon pictures showed up on the email you sent, and I know exactly who you are anyway!
Another bad case of 2018 MAPS-creating-sprinches was personified in one Andrew Ow (name changed to shun the guilty). Andrew always seemed to love SPAM-ku, but he started leaving anonymous hate-ku in the choir room. No one suspected him. After gaining trust, he received an invitation and attended the party. At the end, he read the final SPAM-ku of the year which outed himself as the sprinch! He was bound, gagged, and dragged off into the sunset with his long-flowing mane shimmering in the dusky remnants of the sun's western rays. (Don't I write well?) His henchmen also suffered punitive consequences. Pallista Cattillo and Dangel Darias would be forever labeled as SPAcommplices. (And with Dangel being in choir for only one semester! Harrumph!)
Once again, the good book was stolen from the classroom. When it didn't show up for an extended period of time, Mr. Montoya was given no choice but to threaten detention to the student who did it. They would certainly be caught. Allen Pimento and Markus Halsigio were set as the lead detectives on the case. They were darn near close to cracking the case, when in fear for her mortal soul, Mah-lah-lah-la, a guitar student, confessed and led the SPrivate-Eyes to the inside of a piano where the book was stashed. She cowered in the face of grave danger, and showed that her maps was not match for SPAMcerity. Not so brave anymore, eh Mah-lah-lah-la? Sprinch, sprinch, sprinch!
Easabel was acting pretty sprinchy herself. After being one of the fearless five who led Mr. Montoya to sprinch Polanco two years previous, she lamely hid the SPAMalele which was found in mere seconds after it was hidden. (Rumor has it that she was never very good at hide-n-seek either.) The "ease" of discovering her evil deed, and the hidden SPAMalele, is probably what led to her name. I know that in her heart, she did not mean it. Maps would not be her downfall.
Several bad turns deserve at least three good ones, so to end the "NON-Year of the Sprinches," I was proud to declare Nita Bath, Radice Gradillas AND Easabel Hernandez, as the first ever, holy trio of SPodisattvas. They definitely did NOT want the title, as humble as they were, but it was their nobility and deeply hidden true SPAMcerity over the long term that allowed the title to be conferred upon them.
SPAM-ku Week 2019 came late this year but was nonetheless a wonder to behold. A positively lovely SPomen (SPAM omen) announced that this would be a lovely year of SPAM-ku as a heart-shaped balloon, a lovely shade of SPAM pink, was found floating in the choir room. It stayed there all week. No one knew where it came from, and no one knows how it finally disappeared, but it definitely foretold of the joyfulness SPAM-ku Week 2019. Let's call it what it actually was - a SPAMiracle! [NOTE: In the spring of 2021, Karen SPAMojosa claimed that the pink balloon was actually hers, and she was very surprised to see the story immortalized here. But no true SPAM-ku lover can really acknowledge that this SPAMiracle had a logical explanation. Thanks anyway, Karen!]
Students were invited to access the SPAM-ku website on their Chromebooks during class and we all giggled as the SPAM-ku Archive Jingle was set off multiple times at once. Students began to desire to be named with various titles to show their SPAMcerity. One such student, George Saponjyan came to the choir office door asking for a quest that would allow him to be named duke, or lord, or some such title. Mr. Montoya obliged and sent him away with two plastic cups which were to be clacked together to sound like horse hooves. George had to take the cups and gallop around the campus, seeking seven non-choir students to write SPAM-ku. Within twenty-four hours, George had succeeded in his mission and earned the title of Sir George, the SPuke of Montoya's Kingdom of SPAMalot! Those seven magical SPAM-ku are listed in the archive, Nos. 990 to 996. Way to go Sir George!
SPuchess Jessica King furthered a wider mission to send SPAM-ku into the world. Before the week's festivities were done, she had delivered SPAM-ku to communities in Germany, Australia, and even as far away as South Carolina. I guess that makes her more of a SPAMbassador than a SPuchess, but I like how SPuchess sounds, so we'll go with that.
The sprinches seemed to lose ground this year as they attempted to thwart otherwise joyful SPAM-ku lovers in their peaceful enjoyment of SPAM-ku. One sprinch lamely hid the bongos which were found immediately. It wasn't too hard since they were in the same place that the SPAMalele was hidden the year before! Duh! The good book was not stolen, thank goodness! BUT on the day of the 13th Annual Tasting Party, it was found that both the bongos AND the tasting party SPAM stash were gone! Mr. Montoya thoughtfully considered what to do, and then took the time to handle things as any great S.H.A.M. would. . .he wrote SPAM-ku. He texted the entire choir a series of five SPAM-ku (Archive Nos. 960 - 964) that told the SPriminals that if they did not return the stolen items, there would be heavy punitive consequences. . .and shame. The weak-willed sprinch wannabees returned the items within the half-hour and were all too willing to rat out their friends for their sprinchy ways. We must not remember them by name, for doing so might encourage other would-be sprinches to rotten, dastardly behavior (but just so you know, kind reader, both of them begin with the name SPalex).
The heroic deeds of the SPeros were in full force this year, as many students defended the honor of SPAM-ku Week. Among them, SPakayla SPorabaugh, SPaitlyn SPAMorio, SPark SPalsig and SPillie Spunnerlyn. SPark and SPillie were given the duty to administer the new Tasting Party SPoath which everyone was required to recite upon entering the party. Unfortunately, sprinchiness knows no bounds, and a nameless student teacher chose to recite the oath without sincerity. He had earlier confessed to wanting to be the first ever student teacher sprinch. He had many sprinchy plans that he did not execute and he wrote an evil SPAM-ku praising his wrongdoing. That SPAM-ku, now referred to as the SPAM-ku in Absentia, was set ablaze and was never read, so it is lost forever. It sits in the archive as No. 1076 a warning to all future sprinches. This sprinch shall remain nameless in perpetuity, his unfulfilled deeds will be lost to history, AND he will be forever banned from SPAM-ku tasting parties (but not necessarily from SPAM-ku Week). He was outed by Mr. Montoya during the party and was escorted from the room by SPodyguards SPark and SPillie as the crowd shouted "sprinch, sprinch, sprinch!" A sad end to one who could have been a master SPAM-ku lover. For no one. . .NOT A SINGLE ONE. . .is above the sacred laws of SPAM-ku and every sprinch will be made to answer for their evil misdeeds.
During the tasting party, the skillet mysteriously turned off and the SPAM lost its sizzle! The designated fry-cook-du-jour (name, please) knew that without the skillet, our communal tasting party might be ruined! Somehow, the skillet started working again, and the party was rescued. It was another SPAMiracle! The SPAM gods certainly seemed to smile upon us this year.
Now on to the worldwide Coronavirus Pandemic of 2020. If future generations are reading this history, they might be tempted to believe that COVID-19 was made up, but oh, what a year we had! With the closure of all schools in California and beyond, the yearly ritual of SPAM-ku Week seemed to be in jeopardy. But due to the heroic efforts of the S.H.A.M., and those who created helpful technology like ZOOM online meetings, SPAM-ku Week carried on!
1078.
Coronavirus
Cannot stop the faithful ones
Who live for SPAM-ku.
- D. V. Montoya
This SPAM-ku sounded our theme. For fifteen minutes a day, for an entire week, the faithful, new, old and older, gathered online to hear and read SPAM-ku. Bongos were played by Mr. Montoya's family (even though it was hard to hear them over the computer) and everyone snapped their approval with each passing, delectable SPAM-ku. Many listeners brought their own SPAM-ku to share. This year, the very act of showing up in a Zoom reading showed SPAMcerity, and all were invited to the first ever Virtual SPAM-ku Week Tasting Party 2020 (14th Annual Party). This was held for an hour on the following Monday. Those who had SPAM in their houses were invited to have it fried up and served on the cybertable ready to eat at the end of the meeting. Those who didn't just had to pretend. As the meeting began, we all changed our online names to something SPAM appropriate, i.e. Amy became SPamy.
SPrincess SPAMantha Stapish suggested that there should be a glossary page on this website for the SPAM-ku uninitiated. Mr. Montoya made sure to see that project come to fruition. May it serve as an aid to all SPAM-ku newcomers for years to come.
All of Mr. Montoya's students were required to read the SPAM-ku website history page and to write a half-page review. If they wanted, they could write and submit their own SPAM-ku for extra credit. Many who did not take part in the week's festivities were converted as the week processed and their future participation was looked forward to. All of the extra credit SPAM-ku are contained in the archive, of course.
It was a quiet year for sprinches. We had no unhappy surprises this year as the sprinches seemed to stay home in quarantine. Good for them, and good for us. They stayed healthy, and SPAM-ku was free to thrive. It was stated in one excellent student review that the Coronavirus was actually the ultimate sprinch. It was suggested that the virus came into the world with the sole purpose of destroying SPAM-ku Week, but that the spirit of SPAM-ku Week prevailed. I don't know about all that, but the peaceful, SPAM-ku-loving followers continued to celebrate in peace and joyfulness.
No one would have anticipated that the worldwide pandemic would still be raging on all over the world a year later, and that we would still have to celebrate SPAM-ku Week 2021 online, but here we were. No worries. We knew how to get things done, just as we did last year, and SPAM-ku would continue to be written and shared. And this was the Fifteenth Anniversary Year! No one would have expected SPAM-ku Week to continue this long, lo those many years previous ... but here we were.
This was the first ever hybrid SPAM-ku Party. Ms. Rosenthal was a refreshing change from an earlier nameless student-teacher who became a sprinch. She, in contrast, wanted to become the first SProphet and ordained herself as such after writing more SPAM-ku this year than anyone. Her joy started back in the winter when she first heard about it. She cried when I recounted the noble stories of SPAM-ku lore. She even wanted to bring in SPAM musubi to share with all the faithful, but since Covid restrictions did not allow us to serve food, and since so many were online anyway, Mr. Montoya decided that she should not. Wasn't it nice of her to have such a thought? Thank you SProphet Rosenthal! And although there were some SPAM-ku read that she felt she could not snap along to, her SPAMcerity was undeniable.
While the sprinches were again very quiet this year, only one weak attempt at ruining SPAM-ku Week happened. During the last day of festivities, while Mr. Montoya was reciting SPAM-ku online, his computer flashed a "low battery" warning. He jumped up and plugged it in just a second too late. Luckily, Ms. Rosenthal was a co-host in the Zoom, so the session was saved. Somehow, after working all day, Mr. Montoya's cord was half-unplugged. Was it chance? Was it gravity? Was it a sprinch loose in the house? Mr. Montoya determined that the only person it might be was Isabel Brown, who after two years of being in choir, and being soprano section leader, was upset when Mr. Montoya had a senior moment, blanked out, and could not remember her last name earlier that morning. She was so offended that she got up and left the room. The SHAM knew her last name was a color, but he kept choosing the wrong one. He also knew that if she actually reached the out-of-doors, she might be lost forever, so he shouted out a sincere apology just in the nick of time, and Isabel returned to the fold. Again, I'm sorry Isabel Blue ... I mean Brown!
The students learned to raise both hands with SPAMcerity whenever the jingle rang out, and then the turn their heads downward and put their hand on their heart when the "on-LINE" was sounded. It was fun to watch everyone on the Zoom call and in the room do the same motions. Bongos were passed around less this year, and were sanitized for the protection of each new user, unless the next user was comfortable that the previous player did not have cooties.
SPerla Escareño was Zooming in on the party but could not participate directly in the writing festivities. She was, in fact, sitting in a clinic waiting to get SPAvaccinated against the mother of all sprinches, Covid-19. As we all chanted, "Show the needle! Show the needle!" SPerla became inspired and fell into a mystical state. She wrote a SPAM-ku as the needle was delivering the medical protection from the virus to her arm! Her fear of the needle did not stop her flow of inspiration and her SPAM-ku While Being Vaccinated, which retells this amazing story, appears in the archive and is reprinted below. SPerla will be always remembered for her heroic actions and for not letting the pandemic keep her down.
SPAM is infectious.
It is a SPAM-demic haze.
I'm like covid who?
Luca Martinez-Flores was the only real sprinch of note this year. He protested the SPAM-ku as a junior in high school by not enjoying the readings and leaving his Zoom camera off. The whole SPAM-ku-loving world continues to pray for his conversion before he graduates high school next year. His ban of four years could be lifted with a joyful return to the group and the writing of a sincere SPAM-ku, just as Juan Hernandez did in times past. How wonderful it would be to have a second SProdigal son in our ranks - and no less than this awesome Choir SPresident. Cheers to you Luca! We're waiting for you ...
2022 was quiet year for SPAM-ku folklore. It is possible that there was nothing much of note to write, aside from the fact that the SPAM-ku tasting party resumed as an in-person event this year. It is also possible that the historian was simply taking a nap when he was supposed to be recording the stories, then it slipped his mind, then two years went by. As it is currently 2024 at the time of this writing, the latter is the most probable scenario. Suffice to say, there was nothing terribly dramatic that happened during that year's SPAM-ku week.
And then there was SPAM-ku Week 2023! Since this entry is being recorded almost a year after the events took place, we know that they will be recorded exactly as they happened, with no lapses in memory on the part of the historian (just like things are done with other histories throughout the whole of the human race). But the historian was impressed with Basil Kim who had such SPamcerity, that they sent out a survey to all students to help chronicle the interest and love of SPAM-ku that existed. Thank you Basil! Unfortunately, the records were deleted as Basil graduated and her account was deleted.
Three main things of note happened this year. First of all, our faithful Choir SPresident, Densie (yes Densie) Duran held sprinchiness in her heart for several years, but she was not an outwardly sprinchy person. During this, her senior year, Densie began to notice a pink tinge on her skin. It was realized that she was actually turning into a loaf of SPAM! Densie renounced her sprinciness and participated in the SPAM-ku Week events with true SPAMcerity. Her condition reversed and she averted the tragedy. Way to go Denise. . .I mean Densie. (See SPAM-ku Archive No. 1176.)
Another true conversion took place when Bisabel Brown (Isabel Blue) had a change of heart. She did not want to end her high school years as a sprinch, and she became a true SPAM-ku sincere student. She wrote SPAM-ku, came to the tasting party, and we all rejoiced. Congratulations Bisabel. . .you are a true SPAM-ku success story. . .you ARE a SProdigal Daughter. And you didn't have to suffer the threat of turning into a loaf of SPAM.
And speaking of loaves. . .SPael SPernandez turned out to be a sprinch. A loaf of SPAM-ku unhappiness was he. BOO! That's all I have to say about that.
Students with a genuine love of SPAM-ku (not necessarily of SPAM itself) are said to have SPAM sincerity, or SPAMcerity. People who show a genuine dislike of all things SPAM-ku are said to have MAPS (SPAM spelled backwards). Extreme cases of MAPS can lead to people to become a SPRINCH (SPAM grinch). Students can actually be banned from SPAM-ku Week, for one to several years. They are asked to leave the room while SPAM-ku is being recited and shared. There is usually not much objection.
Such banned students were Billy Funke (banned two years), Jenna Del Puerto (banned one year, but still wrote two SPAM-ku that are in the archives, 2014), and Juan Hernandez (banned for six years). Blake Navarette was the first sprinch, who actually tried to hide out in a practice room in the choir classroom. It was found that he intended to sabotage the SPAM-ku tasting party. He was going to steal all of the SPAM! But he was discovered, dragged out by all four limbs, and thrown out into the wild, as we all pointed and shouted, "sprinch, sprinch, sprinch!"
Another such sprinch was Larry Stifel, who took the book during class time and hid it from Mr. Montoya. When Montoya entered the room from his office, the book was gone, but Getzemany Bayardo Sandoval pointed out that it had been placed on a high shelf. Larry was banned and was labelled a sprinch for his shameful actions. Getzemany became the first SPERO (SPAM hero).
In a beautiful turn of events, in the year 2015, we had our first SPAM-ku conversion. Juan Hernandez who had bitterly denounced SPAM-ku for almost four years, stood up publicly and requested to come out of the practice room for the SPAM-ku sharing. His true SPAMcerity was evident in his joyfulness and in his penning of a beautiful SPAM-ku that is now included in the archives (No. 552), making Juan the first ever SPRODIGAL SON.
Once in a while, even SPAM-ku lovers make mistakes. One such unfortunate soul surfaced in 2017. Nathan Polanco, after writing and reciting some lovely SPAM-ku, and after earning an invitation to the tasting party, decided to perpetrate a copycat crime. He stole the sacred SPAM-ku book and then hid it in his choir folder. When the book was found missing, students began to blame each other as mob-mentality took over the passionate SPAM-ku lovers. Nathan's deeds were exposed by a tip from five anonymous students (Allen, Bathe, Esabel, Jish, and Radiche). The tip led us to the find the book. No one knows exactly why he did such a thing, but it would not go unpunished. Nathan's invitation was revoked, he was banned for ten years, and his name was shamed forever.
All during the misguided SPAM-ku Book Theft Attempt of 2017, small wadded up pieces of paper were repeatedly found on the piano of the choir room. They contained SPAM-ku about the downfall of SPAM-ku and were signed by "the Mad Sprinch." It was assumed that Polanco was that person, but after he was forcibly ejected from SPAM-ku Week, the wadded papers kept appearing. Was there a second sprinch at hand?
YES. Cory Chavorro (name changed to discourage such future actions) was in fact the "Mad Sprinch" all week long. It was revealed in a stunning moment at the end of the 2017 SPAM-ku Tasting Party as he read four SPAM-ku that chronicled his deception and betrayal of all SPAM things sacred. He was forcibly removed to the jeers of the crowd shouting "sprinch, sprinch, sprinch" and he was banned from SPAM-ku Week for the next ten years.
He later repented of his actions claiming to love SPAM-ku and just wanting to make an amazing SPAM-ku Week story, which he did brilliantly. He voluntarily knelt in front of the class, heartily apologized and then kissed the SPAMalele (see Music from SPAM-ku Week) on the bridge ... twice. His sentence was downgraded to a five year ban. His SPAM-ku is in the archive, No.
As if those events weren't enough to define the 2017 SPAM-ku Week, something even greater took place! One quiet night at home, I opened a package that was mailed to me. It contained a new copy of SPAM-ku: Tranquil Reflections on Luncheon Loaf. It was autographed by the author, John Nagamichi Cho, the Spam Haiku Archive Master (S.H.A.M.)! He named me the new SHAM, and he himself the Spam Haiku Archive Master, Emeritus (S.H.A.M.E.). The esteemed Mr. Nagamichi Cho wrote "Four-Part SPAMony for the La Habra High School Choir" which contained one haiku for each section of the choir, Soprano, Alto, Tenor and Bass. (SPAM-ku archive Nos. 840-843). He also revealed that SPAMantha Stapish-Higa, former LHHS Choir President, had contacted him and asked him to send me a token of appreciation for all of my efforts in the realm of SPAM-ku. I was deeply touched and honored, enough so to declare that SPAMantha would be named the first SPRINCESS.
As a footnote to the 2017 festivities, first-named SPero, Getzemany, was accused of stealing a can of SPAM at the SPAM-ku Tasting Party. He claimed he was just playing a prank and that he had returned it before he was even blamed. His story seemed to check out, according to the testimony of witnesses, but before we could go to trial, he pled guilty. I believe that he did so in order to avoid the public humiliation that the trial would bring. Getz became the first SPero to be banned from SPAM-ku Week, but since his actions as SPero and his actions as sprinch negated each other, he was relegated to being just good ole Getzemany Sandoval Bayardo again. Tread not on shaky ground, o ye SPeros past and present, for dead SPAM tells many tales! (see SPAM-ku Archive No. 921)
[As a footnote to the footnote, in 2020, it was revealed that Maxine Koontz was the actual SPero in the Nathan Polanco case, and she bit her tongue about it for three years. As another former LHHS Choir President, she was certainly credible. She confessed that Getz was never actually the SPero, but that it was SHE that exposed the SPAM book theft! Amazing how many stories of SPAM-ku folklore may be lost to history. We are grateful that this one came to light.]
2018 continued the SPAM-ku springtime tradition with many interesting happenings. For one thing, sprinches seemed to abound this year. One might even be tempted to call this the "Year of the Sprinch." But since that might encourage young would-be sprinches, we won't call it that. Probably the most terrifying of all SPAM-ku week happenstances was when I was sent a disturbing video by email. It showed the good book, SPAM-ku: Tranquil Reflections on Luncheon Loaf in someone's kitchen and it appeared to be set on fire! We were sure that it wasn't my own copies of the book since I had them safely in hand, but someone went to great lengths to try to scare the humble, SPAM-ku loving public. Not only that, the perpetrators were never even brave enough to identify themselves! Not so cool, my wayward sprinches, for thine contact icon pictures showed up on the email you sent, and I know exactly who you are anyway!
Another bad case of 2018 MAPS-creating-sprinches was personified in one Andrew Ow (name changed to shun the guilty). Andrew always seemed to love SPAM-ku, but he started leaving anonymous hate-ku in the choir room. No one suspected him. After gaining trust, he received an invitation and attended the party. At the end, he read the final SPAM-ku of the year which outed himself as the sprinch! He was bound, gagged, and dragged off into the sunset with his long-flowing mane shimmering in the dusky remnants of the sun's western rays. (Don't I write well?) His henchmen also suffered punitive consequences. Pallista Cattillo and Dangel Darias would be forever labeled as SPAcommplices. (And with Dangel being in choir for only one semester! Harrumph!)
Once again, the good book was stolen from the classroom. When it didn't show up for an extended period of time, Mr. Montoya was given no choice but to threaten detention to the student who did it. They would certainly be caught. Allen Pimento and Markus Halsigio were set as the lead detectives on the case. They were darn near close to cracking the case, when in fear for her mortal soul, Mah-lah-lah-la, a guitar student, confessed and led the SPrivate-Eyes to the inside of a piano where the book was stashed. She cowered in the face of grave danger, and showed that her maps was not match for SPAMcerity. Not so brave anymore, eh Mah-lah-lah-la? Sprinch, sprinch, sprinch!
Easabel was acting pretty sprinchy herself. After being one of the fearless five who led Mr. Montoya to sprinch Polanco two years previous, she lamely hid the SPAMalele which was found in mere seconds after it was hidden. (Rumor has it that she was never very good at hide-n-seek either.) The "ease" of discovering her evil deed, and the hidden SPAMalele, is probably what led to her name. I know that in her heart, she did not mean it. Maps would not be her downfall.
Several bad turns deserve at least three good ones, so to end the "NON-Year of the Sprinches," I was proud to declare Nita Bath, Radice Gradillas AND Easabel Hernandez, as the first ever, holy trio of SPodisattvas. They definitely did NOT want the title, as humble as they were, but it was their nobility and deeply hidden true SPAMcerity over the long term that allowed the title to be conferred upon them.
SPAM-ku Week 2019 came late this year but was nonetheless a wonder to behold. A positively lovely SPomen (SPAM omen) announced that this would be a lovely year of SPAM-ku as a heart-shaped balloon, a lovely shade of SPAM pink, was found floating in the choir room. It stayed there all week. No one knew where it came from, and no one knows how it finally disappeared, but it definitely foretold of the joyfulness SPAM-ku Week 2019. Let's call it what it actually was - a SPAMiracle! [NOTE: In the spring of 2021, Karen SPAMojosa claimed that the pink balloon was actually hers, and she was very surprised to see the story immortalized here. But no true SPAM-ku lover can really acknowledge that this SPAMiracle had a logical explanation. Thanks anyway, Karen!]
Students were invited to access the SPAM-ku website on their Chromebooks during class and we all giggled as the SPAM-ku Archive Jingle was set off multiple times at once. Students began to desire to be named with various titles to show their SPAMcerity. One such student, George Saponjyan came to the choir office door asking for a quest that would allow him to be named duke, or lord, or some such title. Mr. Montoya obliged and sent him away with two plastic cups which were to be clacked together to sound like horse hooves. George had to take the cups and gallop around the campus, seeking seven non-choir students to write SPAM-ku. Within twenty-four hours, George had succeeded in his mission and earned the title of Sir George, the SPuke of Montoya's Kingdom of SPAMalot! Those seven magical SPAM-ku are listed in the archive, Nos. 990 to 996. Way to go Sir George!
SPuchess Jessica King furthered a wider mission to send SPAM-ku into the world. Before the week's festivities were done, she had delivered SPAM-ku to communities in Germany, Australia, and even as far away as South Carolina. I guess that makes her more of a SPAMbassador than a SPuchess, but I like how SPuchess sounds, so we'll go with that.
The sprinches seemed to lose ground this year as they attempted to thwart otherwise joyful SPAM-ku lovers in their peaceful enjoyment of SPAM-ku. One sprinch lamely hid the bongos which were found immediately. It wasn't too hard since they were in the same place that the SPAMalele was hidden the year before! Duh! The good book was not stolen, thank goodness! BUT on the day of the 13th Annual Tasting Party, it was found that both the bongos AND the tasting party SPAM stash were gone! Mr. Montoya thoughtfully considered what to do, and then took the time to handle things as any great S.H.A.M. would. . .he wrote SPAM-ku. He texted the entire choir a series of five SPAM-ku (Archive Nos. 960 - 964) that told the SPriminals that if they did not return the stolen items, there would be heavy punitive consequences. . .and shame. The weak-willed sprinch wannabees returned the items within the half-hour and were all too willing to rat out their friends for their sprinchy ways. We must not remember them by name, for doing so might encourage other would-be sprinches to rotten, dastardly behavior (but just so you know, kind reader, both of them begin with the name SPalex).
The heroic deeds of the SPeros were in full force this year, as many students defended the honor of SPAM-ku Week. Among them, SPakayla SPorabaugh, SPaitlyn SPAMorio, SPark SPalsig and SPillie Spunnerlyn. SPark and SPillie were given the duty to administer the new Tasting Party SPoath which everyone was required to recite upon entering the party. Unfortunately, sprinchiness knows no bounds, and a nameless student teacher chose to recite the oath without sincerity. He had earlier confessed to wanting to be the first ever student teacher sprinch. He had many sprinchy plans that he did not execute and he wrote an evil SPAM-ku praising his wrongdoing. That SPAM-ku, now referred to as the SPAM-ku in Absentia, was set ablaze and was never read, so it is lost forever. It sits in the archive as No. 1076 a warning to all future sprinches. This sprinch shall remain nameless in perpetuity, his unfulfilled deeds will be lost to history, AND he will be forever banned from SPAM-ku tasting parties (but not necessarily from SPAM-ku Week). He was outed by Mr. Montoya during the party and was escorted from the room by SPodyguards SPark and SPillie as the crowd shouted "sprinch, sprinch, sprinch!" A sad end to one who could have been a master SPAM-ku lover. For no one. . .NOT A SINGLE ONE. . .is above the sacred laws of SPAM-ku and every sprinch will be made to answer for their evil misdeeds.
During the tasting party, the skillet mysteriously turned off and the SPAM lost its sizzle! The designated fry-cook-du-jour (name, please) knew that without the skillet, our communal tasting party might be ruined! Somehow, the skillet started working again, and the party was rescued. It was another SPAMiracle! The SPAM gods certainly seemed to smile upon us this year.
Now on to the worldwide Coronavirus Pandemic of 2020. If future generations are reading this history, they might be tempted to believe that COVID-19 was made up, but oh, what a year we had! With the closure of all schools in California and beyond, the yearly ritual of SPAM-ku Week seemed to be in jeopardy. But due to the heroic efforts of the S.H.A.M., and those who created helpful technology like ZOOM online meetings, SPAM-ku Week carried on!
1078.
Coronavirus
Cannot stop the faithful ones
Who live for SPAM-ku.
- D. V. Montoya
This SPAM-ku sounded our theme. For fifteen minutes a day, for an entire week, the faithful, new, old and older, gathered online to hear and read SPAM-ku. Bongos were played by Mr. Montoya's family (even though it was hard to hear them over the computer) and everyone snapped their approval with each passing, delectable SPAM-ku. Many listeners brought their own SPAM-ku to share. This year, the very act of showing up in a Zoom reading showed SPAMcerity, and all were invited to the first ever Virtual SPAM-ku Week Tasting Party 2020 (14th Annual Party). This was held for an hour on the following Monday. Those who had SPAM in their houses were invited to have it fried up and served on the cybertable ready to eat at the end of the meeting. Those who didn't just had to pretend. As the meeting began, we all changed our online names to something SPAM appropriate, i.e. Amy became SPamy.
SPrincess SPAMantha Stapish suggested that there should be a glossary page on this website for the SPAM-ku uninitiated. Mr. Montoya made sure to see that project come to fruition. May it serve as an aid to all SPAM-ku newcomers for years to come.
All of Mr. Montoya's students were required to read the SPAM-ku website history page and to write a half-page review. If they wanted, they could write and submit their own SPAM-ku for extra credit. Many who did not take part in the week's festivities were converted as the week processed and their future participation was looked forward to. All of the extra credit SPAM-ku are contained in the archive, of course.
It was a quiet year for sprinches. We had no unhappy surprises this year as the sprinches seemed to stay home in quarantine. Good for them, and good for us. They stayed healthy, and SPAM-ku was free to thrive. It was stated in one excellent student review that the Coronavirus was actually the ultimate sprinch. It was suggested that the virus came into the world with the sole purpose of destroying SPAM-ku Week, but that the spirit of SPAM-ku Week prevailed. I don't know about all that, but the peaceful, SPAM-ku-loving followers continued to celebrate in peace and joyfulness.
No one would have anticipated that the worldwide pandemic would still be raging on all over the world a year later, and that we would still have to celebrate SPAM-ku Week 2021 online, but here we were. No worries. We knew how to get things done, just as we did last year, and SPAM-ku would continue to be written and shared. And this was the Fifteenth Anniversary Year! No one would have expected SPAM-ku Week to continue this long, lo those many years previous ... but here we were.
This was the first ever hybrid SPAM-ku Party. Ms. Rosenthal was a refreshing change from an earlier nameless student-teacher who became a sprinch. She, in contrast, wanted to become the first SProphet and ordained herself as such after writing more SPAM-ku this year than anyone. Her joy started back in the winter when she first heard about it. She cried when I recounted the noble stories of SPAM-ku lore. She even wanted to bring in SPAM musubi to share with all the faithful, but since Covid restrictions did not allow us to serve food, and since so many were online anyway, Mr. Montoya decided that she should not. Wasn't it nice of her to have such a thought? Thank you SProphet Rosenthal! And although there were some SPAM-ku read that she felt she could not snap along to, her SPAMcerity was undeniable.
While the sprinches were again very quiet this year, only one weak attempt at ruining SPAM-ku Week happened. During the last day of festivities, while Mr. Montoya was reciting SPAM-ku online, his computer flashed a "low battery" warning. He jumped up and plugged it in just a second too late. Luckily, Ms. Rosenthal was a co-host in the Zoom, so the session was saved. Somehow, after working all day, Mr. Montoya's cord was half-unplugged. Was it chance? Was it gravity? Was it a sprinch loose in the house? Mr. Montoya determined that the only person it might be was Isabel Brown, who after two years of being in choir, and being soprano section leader, was upset when Mr. Montoya had a senior moment, blanked out, and could not remember her last name earlier that morning. She was so offended that she got up and left the room. The SHAM knew her last name was a color, but he kept choosing the wrong one. He also knew that if she actually reached the out-of-doors, she might be lost forever, so he shouted out a sincere apology just in the nick of time, and Isabel returned to the fold. Again, I'm sorry Isabel Blue ... I mean Brown!
The students learned to raise both hands with SPAMcerity whenever the jingle rang out, and then the turn their heads downward and put their hand on their heart when the "on-LINE" was sounded. It was fun to watch everyone on the Zoom call and in the room do the same motions. Bongos were passed around less this year, and were sanitized for the protection of each new user, unless the next user was comfortable that the previous player did not have cooties.
SPerla Escareño was Zooming in on the party but could not participate directly in the writing festivities. She was, in fact, sitting in a clinic waiting to get SPAvaccinated against the mother of all sprinches, Covid-19. As we all chanted, "Show the needle! Show the needle!" SPerla became inspired and fell into a mystical state. She wrote a SPAM-ku as the needle was delivering the medical protection from the virus to her arm! Her fear of the needle did not stop her flow of inspiration and her SPAM-ku While Being Vaccinated, which retells this amazing story, appears in the archive and is reprinted below. SPerla will be always remembered for her heroic actions and for not letting the pandemic keep her down.
SPAM is infectious.
It is a SPAM-demic haze.
I'm like covid who?
Luca Martinez-Flores was the only real sprinch of note this year. He protested the SPAM-ku as a junior in high school by not enjoying the readings and leaving his Zoom camera off. The whole SPAM-ku-loving world continues to pray for his conversion before he graduates high school next year. His ban of four years could be lifted with a joyful return to the group and the writing of a sincere SPAM-ku, just as Juan Hernandez did in times past. How wonderful it would be to have a second SProdigal son in our ranks - and no less than this awesome Choir SPresident. Cheers to you Luca! We're waiting for you ...
2022 was quiet year for SPAM-ku folklore. It is possible that there was nothing much of note to write, aside from the fact that the SPAM-ku tasting party resumed as an in-person event this year. It is also possible that the historian was simply taking a nap when he was supposed to be recording the stories, then it slipped his mind, then two years went by. As it is currently 2024 at the time of this writing, the latter is the most probable scenario. Suffice to say, there was nothing terribly dramatic that happened during that year's SPAM-ku week.
And then there was SPAM-ku Week 2023! Since this entry is being recorded almost a year after the events took place, we know that they will be recorded exactly as they happened, with no lapses in memory on the part of the historian (just like things are done with other histories throughout the whole of the human race). But the historian was impressed with Basil Kim who had such SPamcerity, that they sent out a survey to all students to help chronicle the interest and love of SPAM-ku that existed. Thank you Basil! Unfortunately, the records were deleted as Basil graduated and her account was deleted.
Three main things of note happened this year. First of all, our faithful Choir SPresident, Densie (yes Densie) Duran held sprinchiness in her heart for several years, but she was not an outwardly sprinchy person. During this, her senior year, Densie began to notice a pink tinge on her skin. It was realized that she was actually turning into a loaf of SPAM! Densie renounced her sprinciness and participated in the SPAM-ku Week events with true SPAMcerity. Her condition reversed and she averted the tragedy. Way to go Denise. . .I mean Densie. (See SPAM-ku Archive No. 1176.)
Another true conversion took place when Bisabel Brown (Isabel Blue) had a change of heart. She did not want to end her high school years as a sprinch, and she became a true SPAM-ku sincere student. She wrote SPAM-ku, came to the tasting party, and we all rejoiced. Congratulations Bisabel. . .you are a true SPAM-ku success story. . .you ARE a SProdigal Daughter. And you didn't have to suffer the threat of turning into a loaf of SPAM.
And speaking of loaves. . .SPael SPernandez turned out to be a sprinch. A loaf of SPAM-ku unhappiness was he. BOO! That's all I have to say about that.